Back to school

Just so I never get bored with how predictable life is, yesterday it was J who had a hard time, not T! T just wandered off to his class line insisting he had to “go over there and be hilarious” because “that’s my job in this class … to be funny!” 😜
Poor J however! I’m not sure that hehad fully processed what the new school year was going to be like until he entered the hall and everything was different – different class groupings, new teachers … he panicked! 
The saddest part was that J is just now at 10 developing an awareness of others perceptions of him (which is developmentally a good thing but harder than being oblivious!!). He wanted to hold my hand but he was worried the other kids would think he was being “babyish”. 😦
He was so sad, tears streaming down his face. He put his little hand in mine and then withdrew it. 

J: Mum, I don’t think I should hold your hand because the kids might think I’m being a baby.

M: Well it really doesn’t matter what others think – it’s about what you need. So if you need to hold my hold just hold it! But I won’t be sad if you don’t need or want to hold my hand. I understand you’re getting bigger.

J: <<tear stained face and whispering>> The thing is mum – I really do want to hold your hand. But I don’t think I should.

M: Well how about we just hold hands in private and then just imagine we are holding hands when we are in public?

J: OK mum xxx
<<mother’s heart breaking into a million pieces … >>
So I left him with a beautiful teacher. He was very upset and trying to run to me, begging me not to leave him. But he ultimately regrouped and had a great day. 
This morning …
J: Right Mum. Let’s do a tally! Today is …. day 2 of school! Well … I’ve got a lot of new stuff to deal with but I think I’ve got this school thing sorted now!! 😊
PS

Today as we neared school just now J said: “Mum, you know we’ve got issues with you coming into school. So today I think T and I will walk in without you. No offense mum … I just think you might handle it better!!” 😂