Autism Awareness Day #20

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Random quotes from my two rogues to celebrate Easter Sunday:

 

Chris: Tom, how would you like a cup of smacks for dinner?

Tom: No thanks, Dad – you can’t eat those.

 

Tom and I were in the car together listening to a story about sperm donors. I didn’t think he was paying any attention because he was playing his iPad.  He then said, “Her Dad is a doughnut? I’d eat my dad if he was a doughnut!”

 

Me: James, please go and do your homework.

James: James is … offline!

 

James: Can we go and see St Anthony today?

Me: Do you mean St Anthony’s the school?

James: No … I want to see St Anthony?

Me: Well, that just isn’t possible because St Anthony is in heaven.

James: No, he’s not.  We just saw him the other day.

Me: We did? Where did we see him?

James: In his office at St Anthony’s.

<<apparently if you’re a school Principal you are immediately elevated to Saint status and inherit the name of the patron saint of the school!>>

 

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Commander Cody and Captain Rex. Star Wars – all the way!

When meeting his new psychologist (who is an absolutely gorgeous, quirky and enthusiastic man), he said … “You are young. Most people who help me are not young. How old are you? 38? YES! We are in the same column!” <<for those who are unsure … he is referring to the hundred square! How’s that for a patterns thinker!>>

 

Recently ,Thomas told me that apparently I am “Making Jesus cry” by disciplining him when he is bouncing all over the lounge couch! Apparently I also need to remember that “Jesus can see you ALL the time, Mum!!  He can see you REALLY well when you’re being rude to me!”

 

Tom: Mum, I’ve got extremely exciting news. I got the show and share bag at school.

Me: Wow! Awesome! What do you have to take to share?

Tom: I have to bring 3 things that start with ‘w’.

Me: Great! What ‘w’ things do you want to take?

Tom: I was thinking water, spiderman’s web and I can’t think of another one.

Me: How about this one? ((insert me waving!))

Tom: No, I don’t think that’s a great idea. I can’t cut your arm off and put it in my show and share bag!

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Our cat Luna had a little procedure late last year. I was out when Chris and the boys picked her up post op. James rang me to let me know how she went. When I asked if she was ok James said …. “Mum, I just looked at her with love hearts in my eyes and she looked at me with love hearts in her eyes!” Tom & Jerry cartoons are responsible for this … but how cute!

 

At the start of the year, James had been pretty high maintenance over a few weeks and as a result I had really been on his case. After “redirecting” him into time out one afternoon, I could hear him muttering to himself so I went and stood outside his door to eavesdrop. I do this on occasion because it makes me giggle – and sometimes you just need a laugh!!! This particular clanger –  said in a voice akin to Dr Claw in Inspector Gadget …. “God I desPISE that woman!” I know I should probably be hurt or horrified but it was absolutely priceless! Where do they pick this stuff up?

 

I was watching a really sad movie on the television one weekend afternoon.  I was crying whilst watching the final moments of the show.  Enter James.

James:  <<sights me and then his hands go straight over his ears!>> Oh no, Mum! What is that face about?

Me:  I’m just crying because it’s a sad story.  I’m OK.  I’m only sad because the movie is making me sad.

James:  <<running away …>> I can’t stay here then because I don’t want to be sad!  You’re OK mum.

Enter Tom.

Tom:  Mum, what’s that face about?

Me:  I’m crying.  I’m just crying because I’m watching a sad movie.

Tom:  Just switch it off then, Mum! <<departs immediately with an air of ‘seriously … my mum is so daft sometimes!..

Two very different answers – both a little left of centre – but meaningful  in their own way!

 

On his birthday Tom received a present that required batteries. Chris and I were having a chat about this and attempting to locate batteries.

Tom: It says batteries not included!

Me: That’s right, Tom.  That’s why dad is trying to find some.

Tom: But it says they are NOT included. We don’t need them!  Batteries are not needed for this toy!

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James: Mum, I’m fanished!

Me: Fanished?

James: Yes – I’m really hungry!

 

Tom: I’m going to be an army man when I grow up!

James: No!!!!!!!!!   No Tom … you’re my only brother!!!!

<< clearly being in the army spells death!>>

 

James: Mum, you are so refreshing.

Me: What do you mean, James? Refreshing like a nice cool drink on a hot day?

James: No .. refreshing! Like I’m telling you you’re very beautiful.

Me: Oh … do you mean ‘ravishing’?

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