Random quotes from my two rogues to celebrate Easter Sunday:
Chris: Tom, how would you like a cup of smacks for dinner?
Tom: No thanks, Dad – you can’t eat those.
Tom and I were in the car together listening to a story about sperm donors. I didn’t think he was paying any attention because he was playing his iPad. He then said, “Her Dad is a doughnut? I’d eat my dad if he was a doughnut!”
Me: James, please go and do your homework.
James: James is … offline!
James: Can we go and see St Anthony today?
Me: Do you mean St Anthony’s the school?
James: No … I want to see St Anthony?
Me: Well, that just isn’t possible because St Anthony is in heaven.
James: No, he’s not. We just saw him the other day.
Me: We did? Where did we see him?
James: In his office at St Anthony’s.
<<apparently if you’re a school Principal you are immediately elevated to Saint status and inherit the name of the patron saint of the school!>>
When meeting his new psychologist (who is an absolutely gorgeous, quirky and enthusiastic man), he said … “You are young. Most people who help me are not young. How old are you? 38? YES! We are in the same column!” <<for those who are unsure … he is referring to the hundred square! How’s that for a patterns thinker!>>
Recently ,Thomas told me that apparently I am “Making Jesus cry” by disciplining him when he is bouncing all over the lounge couch! Apparently I also need to remember that “Jesus can see you ALL the time, Mum!! He can see you REALLY well when you’re being rude to me!”
Tom: Mum, I’ve got extremely exciting news. I got the show and share bag at school.
Me: Wow! Awesome! What do you have to take to share?
Tom: I have to bring 3 things that start with ‘w’.
Me: Great! What ‘w’ things do you want to take?
Tom: I was thinking water, spiderman’s web and I can’t think of another one.
Me: How about this one? ((insert me waving!))
Tom: No, I don’t think that’s a great idea. I can’t cut your arm off and put it in my show and share bag!
Our cat Luna had a little procedure late last year. I was out when Chris and the boys picked her up post op. James rang me to let me know how she went. When I asked if she was ok James said …. “Mum, I just looked at her with love hearts in my eyes and she looked at me with love hearts in her eyes!” Tom & Jerry cartoons are responsible for this … but how cute!
At the start of the year, James had been pretty high maintenance over a few weeks and as a result I had really been on his case. After “redirecting” him into time out one afternoon, I could hear him muttering to himself so I went and stood outside his door to eavesdrop. I do this on occasion because it makes me giggle – and sometimes you just need a laugh!!! This particular clanger – said in a voice akin to Dr Claw in Inspector Gadget …. “God I desPISE that woman!” I know I should probably be hurt or horrified but it was absolutely priceless! Where do they pick this stuff up?
I was watching a really sad movie on the television one weekend afternoon. I was crying whilst watching the final moments of the show. Enter James.
James: <<sights me and then his hands go straight over his ears!>> Oh no, Mum! What is that face about?
Me: I’m just crying because it’s a sad story. I’m OK. I’m only sad because the movie is making me sad.
James: <<running away …>> I can’t stay here then because I don’t want to be sad! You’re OK mum.
Tom: Mum, what’s that face about?
Me: I’m crying. I’m just crying because I’m watching a sad movie.
Tom: Just switch it off then, Mum! <<departs immediately with an air of ‘seriously … my mum is so daft sometimes!..
Two very different answers – both a little left of centre – but meaningful in their own way!
On his birthday Tom received a present that required batteries. Chris and I were having a chat about this and attempting to locate batteries.
Tom: It says batteries not included!
Me: That’s right, Tom. That’s why dad is trying to find some.
Tom: But it says they are NOT included. We don’t need them! Batteries are not needed for this toy!
James: Mum, I’m fanished!
James: Yes – I’m really hungry!
Tom: I’m going to be an army man when I grow up!
James: No!!!!!!!!! No Tom … you’re my only brother!!!!
<< clearly being in the army spells death!>>
James: Mum, you are so refreshing.
Me: What do you mean, James? Refreshing like a nice cool drink on a hot day?
James: No .. refreshing! Like I’m telling you you’re very beautiful.
Me: Oh … do you mean ‘ravishing’?